Space Explorer

Newtonglorpian, aeronautical engineer and first Nalorpian to achieve space flight; currently stranded on the Moon.

The planet Nalorp is located approximately 10 billion light years away from Earth. It is the home of an interesting sentient life form who call themselves Nalorpians. Ever since the Nalorpians became sentient beings capable of complex thought they have been staring up at the stars in awe. In fact, the Nalorpians really only have two interests in life, space flight and reproduction, the latter of which is done by planting one of their three fingers in the ground from which a new Nalorpian grows, to their great satisfaction. The former is done by hacking together a bunch of scrap metal into a rocket ship, filling the rear with a combustible substance they call “blammo”, aiming at their favorite star, blasting off and proceeding to crash land in some nearby mountains, also to their great satisfaction. It turns out that the combination of these two interests has led the Nalorpians to have an incredibly stable population, which they persisted at for thousands of years. This was all well and good until one day a Nalorpian named “Newtonglorpian” was born who had no interest in reproduction or crashing spacecraft.

Newtonglorpian instead sat around and watched the parabolic trajectories of spaceflight attempts until he developed a mathematical theory that perfectly predicted the exact locations where Nalorpians would crash. Newtonglorpian knew his theory would finally allow Nalorpians to achieve their dreams of spaceflight. However, every time he tried to explain it to someone, they would politely interject by saying they forgot they left their stove on at home or that they remembered they had some important meeting, find the nearest spaceship, skip the part about aiming at a star, and blast off directly into a nearby mountain. Newtonglorpian decided that the only way he could show the world his theory would be by successfully landing a ship on Nalorp’s moon. He wrote up a bunch of code in a computer he had built, calculated a trajectory and achieved the very first Nalorpian space flight. After much celebration and erecting of Newtonglorpian statues, the Nalorpians decided they ought to go rescue him from the moon. This was, of course, after founding the very first Nalorpian space agency called Newtonglorpian’s Amazing Space Agency, or NASA for short.